Making Dating Works: Boundaries in Dating – a book review
Did this book (Making Dating Works: Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud & Dr John Townsend) review for my School of Teacher Training. Just want to share this with you who visit my blog 
“Having read numerous books on choosing and looking for the helpmate which God has planned for and prepared for me, it didn’t make any sense initially on why I will want to read a book on dating and setting boundaries in dating since I was still single then. As the saying goes “No one plans to fail but fails to plan”, thus I approached reviewing the book with an attitude of preparing myself when the time strikes.
The book was written in response to many misconceptions on dating, particularly after the publishing of the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. The authors proposed that dating offers many benefits and most importantly, it could help individual to learn about oneself and others and also in developing appropriate relationship skills. However, the authors pointed out that “Dating can be a great time of life, but it must be balanced with God’s boundaries of what is good” (pg 21).
The book is divided into four parts. It brings the reader to first understand oneself and his/her needs, then follow by some practical guides on whom the reader should date. Subsequently, it led the reader to guides in solving dating problems when the reader is part of the problem and also when the partner is the problem. One thing I like about the book is how the authors use real cases, through their various years of teaching and counseling, to illustrate their points and views on the dating issues. Apart from this, they also offered very practical guides. And at the end of each chapter, they also provide “Take-away Tips” which are principal points of the chapter.
The constant themes that were highlighted throughout the book are (a) concerns for the other person, (b) accountability to God and men, (c) ownership i.e. individual responsibility; and (d) growth. The authors shared that the dating life is a powerful change agent for the reader. It allows the reader to “be learning about own issues, how they affect others, and what to do about them” (pg 277). This, they opined, is what ultimately will make one grow. However, they also pointed out that for one to enjoy good dating relationships and to grow healthily, boundaries are required. They serve to protect reader and also allow the reader to “choose better quality people” (pg 33). On top of that, boundaries also allow the reader to remain holy and honourable as in accordance to the scripture (1 Thess 4:3-8). As passionate lust lurks around as the dating relationship grows, it call for one to exercise self control in order to remain holy and honourable for the Lord. The authors highlighted that when one is “capable of delay of gratification and self-control”, the person will be capable to love. And this is what dating, and subsequently marriage, all about.
The authors also shared that it is of importance that the dating relationship will bring one closer to God. They emphasized that the reader is to fix his/her “dating life into his/her spiritual life” (pg 51). This calls for surrendering to God and not letting the date becomes an idol to the reader, which in many cases are happening when God is not the centre of the dating relationship. The authors shared that only when the reader grows in Christ, it will then enable him/her “to love and invest his/her heart wisely and well” (pg 69).
The authors ended the book with 6 critical measures for the reader to reflect on whether they are currently in a good dating relationship. They concluded that “Boundaries in dating is about becoming a truthful, caring, responsible, and free person who also encourages growth in those he/she is in contact with” (pg 277). And ultimately, “Dating is an adult relationship meant for mature, intact adults to engage in” (pg 73).”